I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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