I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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