Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
