I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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