dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
