those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
