i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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