But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish