Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.