Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.

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  (678): There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me. http://tfl.nu/i6y1
  Replies (53) Good night (4459) Bad night (722)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.

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  (210): She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas. http://tfl.nu/4atb
  Replies (19) Good night (1353) Bad night (4380)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out

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  (573): i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out http://tfl.nu/mqff
  Replies (16) Good night (1875) Bad night (5836)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me

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  (719): I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me http://tfl.nu/in6y
  Replies (3) Good night (2005) Bad night (861)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.

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  (610): I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch. http://tfl.nu/u06n
  Replies (2) Good night (1227) Bad night (726)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I booty called her while she was in labor.

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  (785): I booty called her while she was in labor. http://tfl.nu/82pd
  Replies (19) Good night (1238) Bad night (6082)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?

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  (347): He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family? http://tfl.nu/6x1g
  Replies (10) Good night (626) Bad night (2259)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

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  (312): I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks. (224): Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however. http://tfl.nu/lo15
  Replies (8) Good night (2093) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.

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  (832): Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome. http://tfl.nu/ycrs
  Replies (7) Good night (779) Bad night (1252)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.

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  (712): I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex. http://tfl.nu/brxy
  Replies (3) Good night (1049) Bad night (370)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first

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  (307): Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first http://tfl.nu/80vm
  Replies (3) Good night (600) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?

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  (517): I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right? http://tfl.nu/axzn
  Replies (0) Good night (416) Bad night (246)
• Favorite

  (710): View more from

  It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.

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  (710): It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse. http://tfl.nu/ozwb
  Replies (1) Good night (478) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.

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  (787): I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot. http://tfl.nu/430i
  Replies (5) Good night (1526) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."

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  (586): I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone." http://tfl.nu/272w
  Replies (2) Good night (462) Bad night (301)

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