don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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