I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
