Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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