Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.