In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
