I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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