I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
