That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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