ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
