Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
