i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
