Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
