don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My feet surprised me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
