What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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