She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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