Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
