Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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