Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
