Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
