I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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