and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
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In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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