Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
