did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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