i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn star boner night. come get it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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