Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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