you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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