You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Houston, we have a blender
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
