you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.