Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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  (631): Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life. http://tfl.nu/pg4a
  Replies (2) Good night (935) Bad night (2953)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!

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  (508): i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah! http://tfl.nu/c18w
  Replies (10) Good night (3419) Bad night (1077)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.

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  (623): Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again. http://tfl.nu/wv7w
  Replies (23) Good night (710) Bad night (3781)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.

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  (416): I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch. http://tfl.nu/l1wa
  Replies (9) Good night (3638) Bad night (588)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors

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  (610): aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors http://tfl.nu/o36o
  Replies (15) Good night (5145) Bad night (1704)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

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  (239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx
  Replies (15) Good night (3347) Bad night (1067)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

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  (978): You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!" http://tfl.nu/193a
  Replies (3) Good night (1931) Bad night (917)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!

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  (416): WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?! http://tfl.nu/lb62
  Replies (12) Good night (963) Bad night (2083)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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  (575): There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/m7kt
  Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (480)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.

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  (262): I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could. http://tfl.nu/ywgy
  Replies (5) Good night (925) Bad night (505)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.

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  (347): i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men. http://tfl.nu/ujar
  Replies (3) Good night (1160) Bad night (445)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  An old lady WILL get vomited on today.

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  (617): An old lady WILL get vomited on today. http://tfl.nu/4fpr
  Replies (4) Good night (679) Bad night (1036)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out

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  (215): i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out http://tfl.nu/4dk0
  Replies (13) Good night (660) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma

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  (920): I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma http://tfl.nu/6gw3
  Replies (5) Good night (629) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening

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  (301): I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening http://tfl.nu/y28c
  Replies (1) Good night (238) Bad night (364)

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