Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out

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  (410): a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out http://tfl.nu/89tu
  Replies (40) Good night (1874) Bad night (7531)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.

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  (832): Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night. http://tfl.nu/2nh3
  Replies (20) Good night (4443) Bad night (2170)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.

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  (207): hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either. http://tfl.nu/vb3y
  Replies (47) Good night (6455) Bad night (1721)
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  (714): View more from California

  im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

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  (714): im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me http://tfl.nu/k37i
  Replies (8) Good night (3618) Bad night (828)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.

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  (847): you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after. http://tfl.nu/68kq
  Replies (10) Good night (1379) Bad night (4943)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up

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  (304): You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up http://tfl.nu/adeo
  Replies (35) Good night (7747) Bad night (1303)
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  (707): View more from California

  I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER

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  (707): I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER http://tfl.nu/38g6
  Replies (28) Good night (968) Bad night (3769)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have a theory he's part Neanderthal

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  (505): I have a theory he's part Neanderthal http://tfl.nu/4i3w
  Replies (11) Good night (819) Bad night (642)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...

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  (602): I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion... http://tfl.nu/4785
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (1011)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you

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  (312): I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD" (630): you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you http://tfl.nu/ztcf
  Replies (6) Good night (2222) Bad night (584)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs

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  (269): You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs http://tfl.nu/fy9x
  Replies (5) Good night (951) Bad night (431)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??

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  (541): is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to?? http://tfl.nu/l7wp
  Replies (6) Good night (401) Bad night (612)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.

  (779): View more from Illinois

  YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.

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  (402): Dude, I have everything I need for meth here. (779): YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT. http://tfl.nu/5fhr
  Replies (4) Good night (513) Bad night (740)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.

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  (732): Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole. http://tfl.nu/eueb
  Replies (6) Good night (588) Bad night (424)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.

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  (813): I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants. http://tfl.nu/1836
  Replies (0) Good night (648) Bad night (223)

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