hotel room ftw
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
