She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.