imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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