Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?