SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.