so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
