party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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