Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
