If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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