what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
