whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Come share oat with me in your robe
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
