i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
