I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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