Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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