oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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