how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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