I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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