my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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