I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
