Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
