i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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