I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
