What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
