his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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