Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
