i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
