I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
