Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
