even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
