yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
