she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
