you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
