real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
