I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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