Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Houston, we have a blender
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
