If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we're making bets on your personal life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
