I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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