whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
