So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
