I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
