She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
