I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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