if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
