So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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