bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
