Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
