I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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